Things Lesbian Women Are Tired of Hearing

How many times have you heard the phrase, “But you don’t look gay” and other sayings referring to your sexual identity? Eighteen year old Shira Shan, who is currently on national service at IGY, put together five sentences that she’s tired of hearing


People who learn or find out about my sexual identity can be very annoying with their reactions and comments. Here are the top five most annoying comments that I think any lesbian woman is so tired of hearing:

1. “Lesbians are very sexy”

When this is the first reaction a person has about another person’s sexual orientation, it probably suggests that at that moment you are the LGBT person they meet. Sexual orientation is much more than just practice and to be honest, to tell a stranger what is sexy in your eyes, without being asked, is disturbing.

2. “But you don’t look lesbian!”

I don’t think that by coming out I was signing a contract where I agreed to act and look a certain way that makes people recognize me on the street as lesbian. Lesbians, and anyone else in the LGBT community for that matter, have no pattern of clothing and appearance according to their sexual orientation or gender.

3. “Sorry for all the questions, I’m just trying to understand you!”

Please don’t try to “understand” me, that’s not why I’m talking to you about my sexual orientation. I don’t need any heterosexual person to try to understand me, for the simple reason that you won’t understand. Equally, as I can’t understand attraction to the opposite sex, a heterosexual person would not understand same-sex attraction.

4. “I personally have no problem with lesbians”.

Do not expect appreciation or a good word for being a person who accepts something that should be obvious. When one of the LGBT community comes out to you, they don’t want to hear you praise yourself that ‘You have no problem’ with it because you’re an ‘open minded,’ ‘advanced’ person.

5. “You simply haven’t found the right man yet”

That’s the most annoying of them all. I have no interest in experiencing with men in order to know that I am lesbian, just as you don’t have to have experience with men to know that you’re heterosexual. We were all born this way!