Rozi Buchris, a student from northern Israel, had to come out to her family and it wasn’t easy. Spoiler alert: Her story has a happy ending.
Not everyone experiences their coming out in a positive way. “I found out that I’m attracted to girls only during army service. Until then I was attracted to guys,” says Rozi Bucharis. “After a few months at the wing, a woman arrived to serve with us, and people said was that she was lesbian. From here to there, we became very good friends and she told me that she was indeed lesbian and that she had a girlfriend. We stayed friends until I realized I’d fallen in love with her. I confessed, I was rejected, we kissed, she regretted it, and in the end we became a couple.”
“After a year of living with her, my mother asked to talked to me and said that if I was a lesbian she accepts me and loves me and she’s there for me. I cried my life out that day, I didn’t deny any longer but we both decided not to tell my (religious) dad, because I wasn’t sure yet whether I’m really lesbian or it was something that would pass. In fact it never went away.”
“One day, during a nonsensical fight between me and my older brother, he shouted near my dad that I was a jerk and lesbian. After about two months, they talked to me again and said things like ‘When dad sees you his blood pressures goes up and his sugar drops, if he dies It will be on your conscience.’ My Dad is diabetic and religious. I never waved my sexuality or my ‘lesbianity’ in front of him or in front of anyone else in my family. Still, my mother changed entirely. I didn’t get anymore support or love from her as she had promised. Mom told me that when my grandmother heard I was a lesbian, ‘like Korin Allal,’ she suggested sitting Shiva over me. But my Dad told her that everything would be okay and that there was no need to mourn me.”
“At the end, my parents realized that I have.loved Inbal, my partner, for the last 4 and a half years, and a year later she had already come over to my parents’ house and stayed for weekends, just like the girlfriends of my brothers, which is what I always wanted and prayed for. She is fully part of the family now, and my relationship with my parents has changed for the better.”
“Coming out for me was not a simple or clear process. There were difficulties in my family and in the army, until the moment when I decided that I don’t need to be accepted, because approval didn’t have to be given by anyone. I live my life, I will be who I am and will not hide from world my identity which also includes me being lesbian. I think that once I started to treat my sexual identity as an integral part of myself, as a natural part of me, everyone around me had to accept it and whoever didn’t like it was simply squeezed out of my life.
“I don’t want to harm anyone, I don’t mean to hurt anyone, and the fact that I am lesbian, that I like women, is also not meant to hurt anyone. You can’t choose what you will be, to whom you will be attracted to and who you will love, and no one in the world can tell me that my love is less, wrong or ill, and that loving a man is the right love for me. Love is love, and I’m happy with what I have, and wish everyone to love this way.”